Week 16

The start to this week has been horrible. I feel like my glass isn't just half empty, it's completely drained!

I've not felt this blue in a long time. I have no incentive to do anything, or go anywhere or see anybody, yet I feel lonely as hell. I don't want to be at work, I don't want to be at home, I don't want to be anywhere. What's happening? Let's hope it soon passes. By the end of this week I want my old self back please.

Wednesday

Very tearful today and having to get through work is proving difficult. This morning the car-park attendant raised his voice to me for parking in the wrong space. Under normal circumstances I'd have dealt with it, but I fell to pieces and burst into tears. Just want to go home and hide under the duvet.

The rest of my day wasn't much better either. Students raising their voices to me, shouting at me across the room and generally showing very poor behaviour. I ended up leaving the room and leaving them to it. Was I glad to get home today.

Thursday

Stefan and I had a really lovely day today. After yesterday I was feeling particularly vulnerable, so the two of stayed in our pyjama's for most of the day and played. It was lovely to just spend time with Stefan, and he was clearly enjoying himself too having lots of attention and stimulation from his Mummy. He even helped with the bits of housework I did. Emptying the washing machine and passing me the clothes, holding the vacuum cleaner handle with me and even putting toys back in the basket.

Had a much needed night out with the girls too. Cheered me up!

Friday

Up and out at the crack of dawn to take Stefan to his Grandma's as I was in work. Had a better day with some lovely students.

My mood has definitely lifted from Monday and I am feeling like my old self again. Pregnancy hormones can be very brutal at times, and always when you least expect it. I worry that the stress of me getting upset and worked up isn't doing me or the baby any good.

I've been feeling lots of butterfly kicks at odd times, so hopefully all is ok.

Week 15

Had to put on some maternity trousers this weekend. Comfort is top of my list now. Luckily, I have a few pairs that my friend has lent me for the duration. They were well received and it was nice not to feel like I was bursting out over the top of the waistband. Very unsightly fashion statement!

I'm doing ok generally. Most days I feel totally normal, as if I have imagined the past 14 weeks. The tiredness soon reminds that I am infact, pregnant. My worst time is around 3pm. I could sleep on a washing line or just sleepwalk.

I'm feeling butterflies much sooner this time round. I have teeny tiny flutters which I usually feel when I'm resting or when I go to bed and it's nice and quiet. With Stefan on the go all the time, I'm finding it difficult to spend anytime even thinking about being pregnant, nevermind
doing all the recommended things like resting and taking it easy. It does niggle at me at times. It's a continual merry-go-round.

Saw the midwife on Wednesday. She took blood for Downs Syndrome testing and something else, I can't remember. I'm rubbish arent I?. Anyway, after stabbing me a few times she eventually found a vein and took a few pints. Then she weighed me. I'm still getting over it.

Listened to the baby's heartbeat, which is really all I wanted just to confirm all was OK and to stop the niggles. The last 15 weeks have been a bit of a blur and I was a little worried that I'd not paid much attention to this pregnancy as I did the first time round. It's so different this time. And a lot harder physically.

I'm more scatty than usual. Forgetting things, loosing things and can't seem to complete the simplest of tasks like putting away the clean washing in the correct place. Found one of my bra's in Stefan's wardrobe the other day?

Week 14

I'm officially fat. No. I'm officially 'fatter'. Hmmmmmm. I seem to remember feeling like this with Stefan. Not quite big enough for maternity clothing, but too big to button up my trousers.

Having not lost all of my pre-pregnancy weight, I'm feeling the pinch. I knew I shouldn't have had that extra slice of cake at Mum's over the weekend! Well, at least I have a good excuse as to why I'm looking more rotund when people give me a second look.

We'd discussed having our second child relatively close to Stefan, so I guess that's always been at the back of mind when I've thought about loosing weight in a 'serious' sense. I've not liked the excess very much. Am looking forward to getting back into my size 12's again after this baby.


Emotions have been up and down, tearful at times, but generally on the whole I am feeling good. Very happy-go-lucky and have a bit of a spring to my step. It's nice to feel 'up' again after feeling so miserable for so long. I was loosing my perspective on things, but am getting it back now, together with a rational head. Wonder how long that will last?

I've been having some very vivid dreams. Some of them have been quite upsetting and Darren has woken me as I've been sobbing in my sleep. They seem so much worse in the middle of the night.

Made an appointment for my 15 week MOT next week. Looking forward to that so I can hear the baby's heartbeat. The 20 week scan seems so far away.

Week 13

Had a great week. No yucky symptoms to speak of at all. Just feeling tired and a bit tearful at times. Soon passes though. Darren is getting used to just accepting it, and giving me a hug rather than trying to work out what might be wrong.

Stefan has picked up Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. The nursery called me at work on Wednesday to go and fetch him. When Rebecca told me what it was, I thought she was telling me he'd got Mad Cow Disease. I was nearly in tears over the phone until she told me exactly what it was. Phew! At the moment, he only has two blisters on his right foot. His hands and mouth are clear. I'm hoping he's on the mend now. Poor little fellow has been in the wars over the past few weeks. He's holding his own though - and not much keeps him down. I'm still not 100% myself. Sore throat is back, and it's painful (I'm hoping I'm not coming down with H,F & M) and I'm sneezing.

Have been discussing my maternity leave from work. I've decided to take three months maternity leave, and then use up my 24 days holiday for the rest, which works out to 12 weeks as I only work 2 days a week. Money is tight now, so we really will feel it with half a wage, maternity pay and and another little one to bring up.

No complaints though - it's all worth it to have a sibling for Stefan. I really can't wait!

Week 12

Had the first scan on Wednesday 7th. Really brilliant to see a moving, kicking wee baby. It's made everything seem more real now and Darren and I have finally accepted that we're having another baby. It's really sunk in.

The due date is May 17th 2008 - 9 days before Stefan's second birthday. Lets hope this baby is on time otherwise we really could be having joint birthday parties for a very long time to come!

















A tiny wee baby lying on it's back. You can make out the shape of the head, the body and a straight leg

















A view from above, looking down onto the baby

It was really nice going into the antenatel clinic this time, having knowledge of what was going to happen and not being so overwhelmed or scared. The sonographer was also much, much more pleasant than the one we had on my first visit with Stefan. Very pleasant and happy to talk to us. Made the whole experience so different to our first encounter.

I've had a really good day today. I've felt like I've been smiling from the inside out, and it's been great to be able to tell people too. I remember being surprised at how lovely people were when I announced Stefan's pending arrival, and I have been again this time. Everybody has seemed genuinely happy for us - especially our close friends.